The Soul Of This Blog

It's already 1 in the morning, but I am still wide awake despite the tiredness I felt all day. I might as well just write something down, at least I am doing something productive to unwind myself to sleep.

Earlier today, I had two separate conversations with my friend Terence and my father regarding this blog. Having read Terence's blog (http://randomworksofterence.blogspot.com) I admire the fact that he can write about a breadth of topics, mostly on his interests in the military, world events, movies and music so effortlessly. While I do have a wide range of interests myself, I do not have the intellectual depth nor the attention span needed to actually write something about Anwar Ibrahim's recent acquittal, for example without constantly worrying about people catching me talking completely out of my ass.

So that is something I should work on instead of pussifying (a shout-out to George Carlin) my blog with posts about failed relationships and my prized collection of insecurities.

When my father got back from work we had a short conversation (blame Skyrim for not allowing me to extend the conversation long enough) about how my last few posts might annoy some people because of its content (I believe he was also speaking on behalf of himself) and how I should try to write with substance, to build a foundation of reason that supports my innermost thoughts and feelings.

To hammer his point home, he gave me a link to a blog belonging to one of his acquaintances. Having read it for a while, I am fixated with this blogger's obsession with the body and soul. Some of his posts are pretty darn personal as well, but he backs it up with an excellent introspective view of how he handles his problems, or in other words muhasabah diri. This chap might have a good twenty years on me in terms of life experiences, but I would love to be able to reason out my innermost feelings and fears. I have lived for twenty-three years (on the dot, ahem) believing that logical reasoning and emotions are two mutually exclusive planes of conscience, and it has not taken me far. It is a fallacy.

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In that sense, I can safely say that this blog is a good representation of who I am as a person. I am trying to do so much without actually measuring my own capabilities, and in the end I end up looking shallow and whiny. I never try to add depth into my emotions with rational thought and vice versa, so I end up confusing a lot of people as well. 

I am a body without a soul, drifting across my experiences, thoughts and emotions without any substance in which people can relate to.

It's a good thing that I realised this soon enough. While I do not exactly paint a picture of perfection in anyone's mind, I believe that life is a continuous learning process. So, please bear with me.