Hey.

I promised myself that I will never bitch about this matter again, but I need to let this out of my chest. 

Will there ever be a day when we are able to look each other in the eyes again? Both of us have apologized, but can we ever forgive each other for the things we did?

We were both kids masquerading as adults, tinkering with each other's emotions. Sometimes we enjoy each other's company, sometimes we argue. Sometimes we talk out of line, sometimes we hurt each other without noticing it. We had our own share of ups and downs. We danced to each other's tune for almost four years, and with each hit and miss we learned a little bit more about each other. 

For the last three months, I have been constantly feeling distraught, guilty, devastated. Every single day, I have to battle my own emotions in order to act normal in front of everyone. While I have no idea what life holds for me in the future, I can never imagine living in a world where I am happy without you by my side. 

This is the reason why we would always end our arguments before we went to bed. Without having our breakup resolved and you, the person I cherish the most vanishing into thin air, I am quite frankly, lost.

You tolerated me at my worst, and you made me who I am today. I am forever indebted to your influence in my life. Your warmth and kindness had made me a very happy (and smug) significant other, and you added purpose into my otherwise rudderless life.

Because of that Un, I am consenting my heavy heart to let you go. I am not one to continue resenting someone for a long time (much less punch a tree), and I do not hold it against you if you want to live life and enjoy your freedom for the time being.


I just hope and pray that when the all the dust settles and we have both done what we want to deal with by ourselves, we can meet up for a cup of coffee.

-----

Unless Alison Brie replies my e-mail and decides to grab a cup of coffee with me (in character, as Annie Edison from Community) first. But you have the right of first refusal, of course.