A few weeks ago my friend Nasriq and I had a chat on the notion of settling down, getting married and starting a family. We talked for about twenty minutes on the subject, and while most people my age would rather touch on more exciting subjects such as football, cars (I can only guess) and such, I find it appropriate and for some reason, comforting to explore the idea. I find it weird, and for that reason I am going to dissect this oddity by writing about it.
Despite my relatively young age, I am already warm towards the idea of living a relatively quiet life with a loving wife and a child or two. This is probably because:
1) I perceive having a family on my own as the ultimate form of stability in life, my equivalent to Israelites reaching the Promised Land. That, coupled with having a rewarding, successful career is my life's end goal.
2) I cannot stand (for the lack of a better word,) drama. While I understand the fact that interpersonal problems and internal strife such as mid-life crises and identity issues will continue to plague you until you bite the dust, I find it a lot easier to deal with these things with a life partner who can help me resolve these situations as they come.
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While I am on the subject of drama, I find it not only a bane to society's progress but it also exposes me for the selfish robot and/or six year-old boy that I can be sometimes. I have had my own share of squabbles where human emotions are put forth on the bargaining table like casino chips. Nine out of ten times I end up feeling like an idiot wasting my time spouting nonsense, and the remaining time I end up hurt.
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3) Marriage, I hope, will teach me a lot more about shared responsibilities. Whenever my friendships and relationships come unstuck, often times they are due to the fact that I can be unfair sometimes- asking too much from others while in the same time asking them to ease up on their expectations on what I should do for them.
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I am only twenty three, but I have already lost contact with a good deal of my high school friends. In a world where connections are getting more and more important, I need to be able to at least sustain whatever relationships I have left with others.
If I need to state a more personal reason, then fine. I do not want to die alone. If I continue being as aloof as I am right now, then there is a good chance of that happening.
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4) I find kids to be awesome. I admit, I am the kind of person who enjoy making funny expressions at three to six year-old children in shopping malls just to get feedback from them, often times to the chagrin of their parents. Yes, there is a chance that I might have terrorized your toddler in E-Mart. Get over it.
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I can only imagine how much more awesome my kids will be, compared to others. I will shower them with books, teach them how to debate and they can finally justify me spending hours at the local Toys R' Us looking at the latest Transformers action figures.
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Nasriq ended our conversation with a reassuring statement, and on an interesting note. He told me that there should not be a rush to settle down, as the opportunity will come only when you are wholly prepared for it. Until then, the best thing one can do is to focus on whatever goals one can achieve only when that person is still single, young and free. He proposed that I write down a list of things I want to do and enjoy before I get hitched someday, and to not touch the issue of settling down ever again until I have completed the entire list.
So, without further ado, here are the things that I wish to do before I settle down (in no particular order):
1) Finally get my fat ass in shape.
2) Adopt an outdoor sport for me to do religiously until I drop dead.
3) Learn and understand more about Islam, and devote myself wholly to it.
4) Take up martial arts lessons. Krav Maga, anyone?
5) Hone my debating and writing skills.
6) Subsequently, win at least a debate tournament or a writing competition.
7) Get involved in a theater production, a play or a musical.
8) Start a business, and earn some sort of fixed income out of it.
9) Complete my law degree overseas. In case you're wondering, Peninsular Malaysia counts but I think it's a cheap way to cross this item out.
10) Visit California again, meet up with my foster mom, goad her to get her job done and bring me to Legoland and Universal Studios. (in case you're reading, I'm just teasing you Mom)
11) Watch Metallica live in concert wearing my Baju Melayu just to confuse the hell out of everyone and singlehandedly make kilts passe.
12) Attend a WrestleMania wearing the same Baju Melayu I wore for the Metallica concert. (If I get ringside seats, wouldn't I be promoting Malaysia, in a way? Ministry of Tourism, you're welcome.)
13) Visit the set of The Daily Show and/or The Colbert Report for a taping of these shows.
14) Travel around Southeast Asia and the United States on backpacking trips.
15) Bring my entire family for my graduation ceremony. I owe them that.
16) Start a career as a lawyer, and finally move out of my parents' house.
17) Earn enough money so that my income statement alone can help me win any argument against my future in-laws.
18) On that note, ensure that my future in-laws are not the arguing kind. Or maybe I ought to mature to a point where they are convinced that they can hand over their responsibilities to me, and not worry them too much whenever I take their daughter out for dinner or something. Either one works.
19) Have a house built in Kuching, a place where my family can live for generations to come.
20) Tell my future wife about the events that lead to me writing this list.
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I'll end this post with something my dad told me a while back, which serves as a counterpoint; "A life planned isn't as interesting." With a list that exciting though, we'll see.
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